Ever felt a little outnumbered and outgunned?  Like you’re a mere mortal facing down a pride of lions?  That’s how I felt on Tuesday night when I was thrown into a room full of humans for the Black Ops 2 launch hosted by the ever affable Mweb Gamezone team.

Of course, I was never going to just walk – well shamble – in unnoticed as the “infamous” (it’s in quotes, so someone must have said it…) zombie.  Years of training in a variety of zombie killing simulators would clearly mean being caught out by the astute gamers gathering for the event.  No.  I needed to go behind enemy lines and I needed to do so in my best human disguise.  And maybe offer up another zombie as a distraction.  Or someone dressed up as a zombie as a distraction… yes.  Yes!  Genius! Mwahahahaha… *cough*Ha.

Humans easily duped, I stood bemused as the masses (around 50 of them with their now obligatory goodie bags) were shuffled into the Mweb MCave – looking more like zombies than zombie killers – and clearly hungry for… Erm.  What do humans eat again?  Pizza, if the average gaming launch event is to be used as a survey yardstick.  Needing to remind myself however that I was not there to look at the dinner menu myself, focus shifted to the serious matter of celebrating the launch of the latest Call of Duty, which many were calling Call of Duty: Zombies.

Well, not actually, but there appeared to be a fair amount of chatter about killing zombie this, and killing zombie that.  Before this genocide could kick off, MWeb’s head of gaming Desmond Kurz, laid down some ground rules: “Shoot the zombies, shoot the ‘pro-gamers’, win some prizes, eat some food, drink some drinks and have a good time.  And shoot some zombies.”

Trying not to attract unwanted attention I did what any good operative does when in the heart of enemy territory.  Fake it.  Gleefully participating in the destruction of a perfectly good horde of zombies felt wrong (and right at the same time) but it was a necessary evil, as soon it was my turn to exact revenge on those spiteful humans in the room.

Trying my luck at “challenge a pro” – conducted under the watchful eyes of Nic Holden – I was surprised to find myself leading 2-1 for all of 30 seconds before Lee from XtaZ simply showed me that my cocky self confidence had no place against genuine skill.  I couldn’t bear to try my luck against Chad from High 5 on the Xbox 360, and I was certainly not about to publicly humiliate myself on PC against Nashief from Clan ASF or Brad from Mweb Gamezone.  In hindsight, Brad may well have been my best bet as the majority of spot prize winners appeared to originate from the PC side of the room.  Considering the prizes up for grabs – which included copies of the game, a voucher to shoot real guns at the Fish Hoek Gun Club and Gioteck goodies – I was surprised that a real bloodbath didn’t actually happen to acquire them.

On the lone PS3 in the room was the ‘MAG Gun Controller’ to test out.  A multi-platform pretend gun controller for first person shooters which most likely costs more than it should and looked like it should make you feel badass.  It didn’t.  It was bad and ass and I spent more time looking at the floor due to its seeming lack of ability to detect I was pointing at the screen not at my toes.  It was probably as good a time as any to go and face a certain nagging nemesis rather…

Cape Town gaming journalists/reporters/media/busy bodies are an interesting bunch.  We get along rather well I think.  So when it’s time to face each other in a bit of competitive gaming, there is no ill will.  Heck, I love to see humans win.  The excitement pumps blood to the brain and makes it tastier.  So I let Dean from eGamer and Brady from ITF Gaming get the better of me.  I’m a big enough zombie to admit that.

The same can’t be said for my woeful attempt on the PC.  After much (late) negotiation, it was agreed that Nashief would allow us to annihilate him on console so that he could return the favour on PC.  What a zombie knows about a mouse is that they make a good entrée and that clearly we should be kept away from the plastic kind to prevent unparalleled embarrassment for years to come.  Obviously, that horse has now bolted.

Speaking of bolts, the evening certainly ended on a high, with the stragglers (the usual suspects mainly) enjoying the ‘Sticks and Stones’ mode of the multiplayer with almost too much enthusiasm.  If there’s ever a mode that was designed to test your ability to contain laughter – this is not it.  Well, killing humans is not serious business you know.  It’s actually also a good way to pass the time…

Once again, a massive shout out and thanks to Mweb and the team at Gamezone for their hospitality.  And thanks to you humans that attended.  You suckers didn’t even know I was there.  You guys are clearly not as ready for the zombie apocalypse as you thought.

For more pictures from the event, visit our Facebook Album.